- Too Different to be True -

Why do I do the things I do.

2009-10-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

So I came back from class today, Tuesday and as I hit the comfy arm chair one sudden thought hit me.

The blog. Crap.

I had so passed the deadline!

Call me a procrastinator all you want, but conducting one Open House really took everything out of you. So as I spin myself on the chair, I started to think on what to write.

It can be anything right?

So my little naughty cat can't stop his whining. All he does is 'meow-ing' all the time, and still sitting on the chair in front of my laptop, I started to wonder about one little particular thing that I liked to do.

Drawing.

Seriously, why do I draw? I mean, I'm in the medical field for crying out loud, drawing wont do anything much to heal people. You just... draw. And that's it. Nothing really comes out of it.

So why do I like to do it?

It took me more than 5 years to met the answer and more than 5 years later to actually realized the answer.

It was one simple thing call gratitude.

A friend of mine (a guy, wow) asked me to draw something for him. And I was like; Um, okay... (but he's a guy!!! Guys don't usually look at girl's drawings!! What tha--??) But I took the request anyway.

I spent around one whole period of lecture to do the drawing(s)

And he was sitting at the other end of the lecture hall, so I passed to friend, which then passed to a friend which then,, *you know the cycle*.. and finally the book (he asked me to draw at the back of his manual book) reached him.

Without knowing it, I was observing the entire process. As the book reached him, and he opened it, my heart was actually hoping for one single thing out of him.

Gratitude.

And he did gave me gratitude. He smiled, and raised one thumb up at me.

I.was.genuinely.happy.

It felt nothing like I ever felt before.

Do you ever felt like there's ever a time that you think like you actually change the world? Even one bit of the world?

Yeah, that was how I felt. It felt damn good. Really good.

And at that moment I realized why I was drawing since I was like 6. Not that it only made me feel good, but it somehow affects others as well. I was proud to say that my drawings actually made people feel a little bit happy too. And I flashed back at the times when I was still at school with my best friends. We even created a comic together. She always says that it belongs solely to me, but for me, it was this first thing that we ever did together that still live till now. And that is what I called as something precious.

So it was never to get any fame, never to be unique, never to be special, but just to be a person that people could be thankful at.

And yes, it was also nice to be recognized by the guys (lol)

I really wanna write more, but the brain juices just ran out. This was so not constructed and I apologized for that. I didn't proof-read this, so please understand. And I just hope I don't have to write again at the end of this week. Tee-hee.

The Little Trip

2009-10-02T00:32:00.000-07:00

A minute ago, I looked at the digital clock over the stove. It read "12:05"(a.m.)

I paused. Why do I feel I have to do something? Ah, better get back to the dishes. 5 minutes later, I slapped myself on the forehead.

Ahhh, it's already Friday and I'm supposed to write something on the blog! Ahhhhhhh, what in the world am I going to talk about right now?

Of course, being one a great procrastinator makes you also great at coming up with last-minute ideas. So here's me (Fakhirah) with one of my good stories.

One of the best memories I had when I came back to Malaysia was naturally, hanging out with my best friends (meaning you, Farah and Fatimah). To be honest, although I sound all excited and enthusiastic to meet them, I was worried if the time and distance apart were strong enough to make us lose interest in one another. Not to say we aren't loyal friends, but there was the possibility that we outgrown each other.

And true enough, we did grew up. There was an air of maturity and a feeling of responsibility. We were becoming adults. But it was good to know that we did withstand the odds and came back - close as ever, if not more. How do I know? Because in these adults phases that we were entering, we could share with each other without much hesitation.

Take for instance, the first thing I had to share: a cheesy story about a guy. How embarrassing it was! I did not know what they would think, I have no idea how they would react! Instead of looking at me all weird, we jumped onto the bed, pillows in hand, cheeky grins on faces, a thousand questions running in our heads, and inevitably - even giggles.

What about Fatimah's story about her family? It create somewhat a somber mood, but it was good to know that she put the trust in us - despite the fact that we're not exactly always around to lend a shoulder. And I love the fact that she called me twice to talk about her anxiety to take her driving license test. After somewhat a two-year silence, I didn't know I was still considered to be the listening friend. Haha.

And of course, with Farah, everything just feel as if nothing ever changes. We've got huge exams, big future plans, family matters and what-nots going on, but in her room, the three of us share a camaraderie that was unbreakable. We could fall back on the bed and still poke fun at one another. I'm always the emotional and sarcastic one, Farah the cool and logical one, and Fatimah, the always-concerned and caring one. Farah still yells at her brothers, Fatimah still coos over all Farah's cats, and they both would yap and yap about anime and manga stuff while leaving me contented to analyze Farah's drawings or glance at her book collection. Then, I'll start whining about how little attention they give me - and we go out to eat. Hahaha.

Anyways, those were good times. I really didn't think we'd be so close, seeing that we hardly actually meet up, but the times that we did are certainly memorable.

I know I'm being a sentiment here, my friend, and I realize what a boring narrator I might have been - and I'd like to apologize. But hey, it's 1:00a.m. and I really, really must get some sleep (but I know I can't - cause I have insomnia) but in any case, I hope that you enjoyed my little trip down memory lane.

Hepi Eid~

2009-09-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

Kai here~~~
It has been a while, and it's about time we kinda update the blog don't ya think? But we have been quite busy and we can't even find any time to 'actually' type our thoughts out loud. XD

A week has passed since the first day of Eid, and I would like to take this opportunity to wish all Muslims around the world a happy Eid. ^__^ May Allah bless all of us.

I got back to my hometown for the Eid holidays, and my best friend here didn't. I feel bad for her, and I'm really sorry you couldn't make it back, dear. Maybe when both of us finally finishes our studies, we can celebrate it together. hee, I'm being a bit emotional, lol.

Okay, I'll admit, we actually made a sort of 'contract' that each of us will have to update the blog every week. and its my turn this week, lol. So i gotta write about something at least.. And here it is.

And don't worry, I'm working on a make over for this blog. Bye~~

Horoscope Compatibility

2009-09-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

It's Fakhirahhh!
And in paying respect to the month of September, which is acknowledged as the month of magic, I suddenly thought it'll be very interesting to find out our friendship compatibility again.

Here's one from www.starastrologer.com

Virgo and Aquarius are both rational, intellectual, and tend to view love in the abstract but the similarity ends there. Aquarius has venturesome ideas and thinks Virgo unresponsive or cold. Actually, each has a distant quality: Virgo is cautious about emotional giving; Aquarius's thoughts are in the far-off clouds. Aquarius is interested in other people, in causes, and in setting the world right. Virgo seeks personal achievement and financial security. Aquarius is outgoing, inventive, a visionary. Virgo is reserved, prudent, and very practical about its ambitions. This couple may not even make it as friends.

Hahahaha. Typical.

And here's to the spirit of my upcoming birthday. Did it on www.blogthings.com

You Are a Magician

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.

You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.

Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.

You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm

Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics

Your power color: Indigo

Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your power month: December

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Ah, I know that you know that I did this just because it's a great reason to procrastinate. :P

Till next time, taaa~

Happy 20th Birthday, You Oldie!

2009-01-25T07:51:00.000-08:00

Farah, Happy Birthday!

Omg yes, I wanted to be a good best friend and give you something on time, but life has caught me at such a busy busy time on your birthday!

But here's something simple, something cheap and something cheesy. Hehehe~

I just wanted to show you my cat, which is the point of this thing. Muahahaha~

I hope you had a blast my dear, and don't forget to sapu as much angpau for Chinese New Year! :D

A Counter-Dialogue. ^^"

2008-12-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

Status: Just recovered from a bad case of flu
Listening to: Mezamero Yasei! by Inoue Kazuhiko

*sigh*
I've been forced to do this. XD
Enjoy, awak.

1. 5 Ciri Wanita/Lelaki Idaman Anda :

a) Someone who loves and can tolerate kids
b) Someone who could put up a fight
c) Someone who is just plain loyal, mature and respect women
d) Someone who can accept me for who I am
e) Someone who is tall,fair-skinned, does not smoke and a bit metrosexual? LOL!!

2. 5 Wanita/Lelaki Yang Tak Pernah Anda Minati Sepanjang Hidup :

a) Those who are not loyal
b) Those who thinks they're better than others
c) Those that are arrogant and hypocrites
d) Those that disrespect women
e) All those men that SMOKE.

3. 5 Perasaan Anda Sekiranya Keluar Dengan Orang Yang Diminati :

a) 0.o
b) Excited? (I'm guessing that's what normal people felt)
c) Depends on my mood at the time
d) I'll be quiet
e) We 'could' have a nice, calm conversation?

4. 5 Tempat Istimewa Yang Ingin Dilawati Bersama Pasangan Anda :

a) Somewhere that snows (I don't care if he doesn't like snow *evil laugh*)
b) Somewhere that we don't need to shop (I HATE shopping!!!)
c) Somewhere where it's peaceful for the both of us
d) Our favourite diner place (LOL!!!)
e) All other places we will someday consider special~~ XD

5. 5 Barangan/Sesuatu Istimewa Yang Akan Anda Hadiahkan Kepada Si Dia :

Ahh~~~ this is hard...
a) A very cool and stylish watch (he's a 'bit' metrosexual, remember?)
b) A little time off for him to do his own stuff
c) One very very VERY beautiful painting (he should learn to appreciate art!!)
d) A nice night out
e) I'll be good for one whole day :p

*Brain meltdown*

6. Tajuk Lagu Yang Akan Anda Nyanyikan Untuk Pasangan Anda..
-Touch My Hand by David Archuleta. lol!!! XD

7. Rakan Yang Anda Tag Dan Mahu Mereka Buat 5 PERIHAL Ini. WAJIB!!!! Mereka Perlu Diberitahu Akan Hal Ini...
I TAGGED EVERYONE SO YOU CAN SUFFER JUST LIKE I DID!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

*passed out*

p/s - i tried to do this as sincerely... ok?

A Time for Dialog.

2008-12-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

Mood: Contented, yet quite not.
Listening to: "Part of That World" by Jodi Benson (The Little Mermaid)

Hullo..

Hasn't it just been forever since we been here? I wanted to blog so much earlier, but it does take an hour from my busy, busy quarter. Now that that is over (for now), I have just the thing to kick this blog up again: a survey!

A close friend of mine tagged me, and now I am 'obligated' to reply to this. Lol. I don't know if you're big on this thing, Farah; in fact, in the back of my mind, I don't think you are... But, why the heck not - right?

So, hold your breath, laugh at my "honest-as-it-can-possibly-be-answers" and think up yours!

1. 5 Ciri Wanita/Lelaki Idaman Anda :

Apart from being blissfully in love with me, he has to be
a) Someone who takes care of his parents dearly.
b) Someone who is wiser beyond his years.
c) Someone who is loyal and protective.
d) Someone who has ambition that never ceases.
e) Someone who is taller, with brawns. Heheh.

2. 5 Wanita/Lelaki Yang Tak Pernah Anda Minati Sepanjang Hidup :

a) Someone who doesn't believe in Islam - sincerely.
b) Someone who puts down other people for his own self-esteem.
c) Those who are too stubborn to see another person's view.
d) Those who disrespect another person.
e) Someone who cannot tolerate my insanity. :P

3. 5 Perasaan Anda Sekiranya Keluar Dengan Orang Yang Diminati :

a) Nervous anticipation.
b) Day-dreaming all day.
c) Drastically happy and pleasant.
d) Most probably I'll be very bubbly and talkative.
e) And have a heartbeat that goes triple the pace.

4. 5 Tempat Istimewa Yang Ingin Dilawati Bersama Pasangan Anda :

a) Where we first meet.
b) Wherever we like to be together.
c) Any place we feel like traveling - just because I love traveling.
d) A patch of warm green grass, under a shady red-yellow-and-green-leaved tree.
e) Venice - just because I am a romantic. (At least someone can admit it :P)

5. 5 Barangan/Sesuatu Istimewa Yang Akan Anda Hadiahkan Kepada Si Dia :

Erk, I am not a gift-giver kind of person. So here goes
a) Home-cook dinner.
b) Post-it love reminders.
c) Tickets to a Broadway musical (so that he can see me happy :P)
d) Tickets to where he wants to go (so that I can see him happy)
e) Something I see on a random shelf at a shop that reminds me of him.

6. Tajuk Lagu Yang Akan Anda Nyanyikan Untuk Pasangan Anda..

I do NOT sing. On purpose. But, if God were to grant me a fabulous voice when I find that someone, I might just sing..
a) "Lucky" by Jason Mraz
b) "I Won't Say I'm in Love" by Meg from Hercules - for the fun of it.
c) "Think of Me" composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
d) "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional.
e) and play either "Sundial Dreams" by Kevin Kern or "Forrest Gump Theme" by Alan Silvestri on the piano.

7. Rakan Yang Anda Tag Dan Mahu Mereka Buat 5 PERIHAL Ini. WAJIB!!!! Mereka Perlu Diberitahu Akan Hal Ini...

a) Farah, who I know is already puking at the thought of replying to this.
b) You, if you haven't done it yourselves.
c) You, if you come to read my embarrassing answers.
d) You, who has decided to blackmail me with my embarrassing answers. Hehe.
e) And whoever who voluntarily feels like it.

A special thanks to Sakina, who I know has been reading my answers with much (or not) satisfaction. And for becoming the person who tags me.

I know it's kinda weird that I answered everything in English when the questions are in Malay - but the blog has been English-oriented I just feel weird if I were to type out rojak.

And I hope whoever reads it, enjoyed it!

Surprise Surprise!!!

2008-09-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Hehehehe.... did you even thought that I 'maybe' forgot your birthday my friend?

Well, I'm pretty sure you're gonna say 'nah... Farah won't forget..' (or maybe the other way around, but I was holding the urge to wish you Happy Birthday till I finish this!!!! And oh boy it was such a pain in the a**!!!

Click 'read more' quick!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AWAK!!!!!!!!!!1

IT TOOK ME ALMOST FOREVER TO COMPLETE THIS!!

so no complaining - loL!!!

Of Bunga Telur & Bally Shoes.

2008-08-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed.
Listening to: "Lucky" by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat.

Does anyone remember what the story "Of Bunga Telur & Bally Shoes" is all about? Yep, it's about a guy trying to get married, and having trouble with his wedding. And of course, because it's the mating month (August), there has been plenty of weddings everywhere around.

Lucky that I am not in Malaysia and dragged by my mum to all these events.

I know, that's a mean thing to say. Weddings are very, very joyful times for two lovers who would be united under holy matrimony. Finally, these couples can share their lives together, loving and sharing until the end of time.

Hurgghh.. but there is this feeling inside of me that cringes on weddings, because they are sooo cliche.

I think this uneasiness is brought by my 20-year-old friend who just got married on 080808. Yeah, a date everyone wants to get married on.

So, I was browsing through her wedding pictures... and despite that I am happy she got married, and hope them the very best in their marriage life, I cringed at seeing the extravagantly-adorned pelamin, the expensive but matching traditional attires, the vast variety of delicacies served only for the couple and their closed ones..etc.

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me to take out such frustration on Malay weddings. But it's true, I have never liked them. Whenever I go, there would be all these hassles that would pissed me off.

First, my mum and sister would tell me what to wear. This is because I never bridge the effort to dress up extra-special for an event like a wedding. They would pick on my color choice, the scarf I'm thinking of wearing and the non-existent make-up on my face. They're really not to be blamed in this, but it is one of the early hassles which hindered my liking for weddings.

Secondly, the food would never ever change. It would always be Nasi Minyak, Ayam Masak Merah, some meat broth (this is sometimes different), some sort of kerabu, and acar. Unfortunately, I only like the Ayam Masak Merah and detest the others. That would be a problem if someone like me has 3 weddings to attend on a weekend.

Third: the chaos and the unmerciful hot sun. There would be hundreds of unknown faces talking in loud voices, very crowded spaces, and the cooling baju kurung I'm wearing would start to show the beads of sweat. And because all of this hassles, I would learn to dislike it when some friendly Mak Cik comes to my mum and starts asking about me. It'll go something like this:

"Dah (that's what they call my mum), besarnye Ira sekarang.. Tengok tu, die lagi tinggi dari you." After more scrutinizing observations, she'll go: "Ira sekarang study camne?"

My mum would reply on wherever I was stuying. And somehow, the Mak Cik would always reply:

"Wahh... bagusnye anak you, Dah! Sumer anak pandai2..! Anak I ni plak kan...." And they'll both start discussing about the flaws of their children. I'm not trying to mock anyone here, but that is generally how I feel when this happens. It's almost always the same. But when I'm lucky, I'll have a friend who shares my pain of these chaotic moments, and we'll start being those two kids in their own world, talking above other voices as well, because we can't hear ourselves talking.

The only, only part I enjoy at a wedding is seeing the bride and groom. And honestly, that's what weddings are about. Celebrating them both. When they appear, I like to look at their faces closely, observing the happiness in their countenance, the way the groom tucks one hand around the bride's waist out of love, and the exchanging bashful glances from one another. A couple, so in love with one another, celebrating their most joyous moments with so many people who supports them.

That's what I feel weddings should revolve on. Not how much the dowry is, or how beautiful the pelamin should be, or the wat kind of embroidery should adorn the sleeves of the bride's dress. For some reason, that's what I think people care about. Maybe I've been sitting too long with the kind of people who notices and comments on these small things. Of course, there's nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful and lavish wedding, if one can afford it. I just want to open people's eyes to what really matters.

If I were to have a wedding, I want people to think about the happiness they bring when they attend my wedding. I want it to be simple, but meaningful. Not to only me, my family, and Mr Right, but to the people who attends it as well.

Hehe, to be honest, I actually planned out how my wedding should be like not long after I viewed the pictures of my friend's wedding. But I shan't elaborate on it, it'll spoil the surprise when the right time arrives. Hahaha. Besides, my idea is sort of... untraditional. XD

Btw, I know this post has nothing at all to do with my friendship with Farah, but I have been bugged by this issue for so long I think I'll burst if I don't blog it. :P

-The Story Behind Everything-

2008-08-12T02:29:00.002-07:00

You see, at the top section below the banner? Yeah, those words, see the section 'The Story Behind Everything'? Right, this post will be talking about that, thank you.

Okay, let me tell you how this works. I think this would be the most easiest way for me and my best friend here to tell our own version of the story on how we met, and how we become best friends in the first place. Pardon my grammatical mistakes here, you know the reasons~
Now, let's begin. In here, I'll begin by writing my version of story (in dark blue colour) and then my friend will continue with her own choice of colours. We'll keep on writing, adding to each other's words, till we reach the 'best friends forever' part. Lol~

I hope, my dear friend, you understand what I'm trying to do here. Lalala~

The Story Behind Everything

I was in standard 5 (a.k.a age 10). You could say I was kinda new to the class environment, since none of my friends from last years were there since I decided to skip a year. I didn't have anyone that was VERY close to me that time - and I never did thought much about it. And, sitting beside me was a girl, which I found out turned out to be the same as me - we skipped a year. And if you ask me, I really couldn't remember how but I was sitting beside her. It could be after the mid-year exam, cause the teacher reshuffled our sitting places, according to our rank in the class. I ended up in the front, right before the teacher's eyes (which my mum was so happy about).
So it was in one class, and the girl beside me (at the left, since there was another girl sitting at my right) that I never thought would be my best friend, asked me one question; she was asking for an eraser.

Now, let me introduce you to my 10 year old self, one word actually - and that is LAZY. Come to think of it now, I have no idea why I was so DAMN lazy to even take the eraser that was just inside my pencil box, just a few centimetres from my freaking hand!!! O.O

Yup, I said to her I don't have any - with a slight frown. (I was even lazy to conduct a simple conversation)

And that was my first encounter with my future best friend, Fakhirah - that I knew of.

Better Late Than Never?

2008-08-12T00:37:00.002-07:00

New banner for the blog, and also a new banner for our posts. So, from now on, you'll know who's talking to who... XD

My friend has been pushing me for a new post, and here I am with one. I would like to do sort of like a 'reply-post' to my friend's - the one entitle 'Becoming... A girl'. You see, it is such an interesting topic to discuss between the two of us, because from all the time that we spent together, we were not actually your common type of girls (well, from my point of view).

For the sake of my best friend here, I'm gonna stop writing my FanFics for a while and finally going to voice out what had change and what had not change in my life ever since we departed on our own ways as well. I'm not going to say that I'm becoming more girlish too, because that is not entirely true. Haha.

1. I, as any other human being, had the capability of being lonely

Hah, it was a surprise for me though. I've always loved my solitude (just like Dexter in the cartoon Dexter's Laboratory) and ever since I went to BESERI, I'm beginning to hate what I used to love. Understand me? Coz I'm not repeating. lol~
Well, I really like it if I was left alone, doing my own stuff without anyone keep bothering every five minutes (I'm talking about my brothers here, mind you). SO, when I finally can free myself from this absolute torture, I thought I would be enjoying it. But it got backfired and I ended up missing some human contact. Guess humans just can't survive alone after all.

2. My Eyes Can See

Not that they can't before, but what I meant here was that I'm much aware of my surroundings than before. I never even realized if someone had a haircut before, but now, I would notice even slight changes in someone - well, mostly without me realizing that I actually noticed it. (my sentences are getting more confusing).
And not just that, I'm being more cautious on what to wear as well.. Oh God.. I'm being more pickier than ever!!!

3. I Like Romance too

Yup, last but not least, the obviously hot topic - ROMANCE. Yeah, I remember the 'promise' too awak, and I sure broke it a couple of years back too. Though I think I'm much more picky in this matter, since I hate the overly romantic and obvious storyline stuffs. I'm not sure about Nicholas Sparks, but I sure did read some romance novels - some are nice, but majorly all of them suck (seriously). Maybe I'll give Nicholas Sparks a try, as long as it doesn't involve love triangles and character deaths. I hate argumemts and sad endings. Lol.

p/s - guess what kind of books was I looking for when browsing through Borders the other day? - ROMANCE - OMG I COULDN'T BELIEVE MYSELF.

Well, since my friend only gave 3, so I'll give 3 too. I was about to say something about the chocolate thing, but I've already liked them for a LONG TIME...LOL

So, now let's look at the things that didn't change inside me.

1. I'm still sarcastic as ever.

Well, maybe the time for me to be sarcastic is lesser (since I'm not with my friend now, boo-hoo!!) But I'm still the same, blurting random sarcastic lines, just for the fun of it. Its actually a pity, really. Do you know that many of us still doesn't know the meaning of sarcasm? People, stop being soooo emotional!

2. My English still hasn't find its way towards improvement

Urghh.. I really don't want to talk about this.. Why do you think I started writing FanFics?? =.=

There are really so much more, but I'm just afraid that I might bore you. I'm famous for my abrupt ending, so now I'm ending this post abruptly.

Ja ne~

another p/s: notice how I just used the word 'well' more than 2 times? Urghh~~

Broken.

2008-08-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired of waiting for a new post from Farah.
Listening to: "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz

I am broken.

Really.

You see, it's not really my fault. I was just anticipating something really big, really huge to happen in my life. But because of an unavoidable limitations, I cannot have it. For now, that is.

It all started like this:

I was daydreaming one day, like any 18-year-old girl would do, hoping for a certain celebrity who won her heart to come to UC Davis. When suddenly, her dreams actually came true!

You see, I've been pinning on Jason Mraz for ages now. He has really, really good songs: "You and I Both", "The Remedy", "The Geek in Pink"...etc. But it was "I'm Yours" that really captivated me to the bones. The laid-back rhythm would comfort me, and the consistent beat accompanied by the sweet melody of his voice... is just enough to make anyone's heart in content. Especially when his video clip had this glorious waterfall and a beautiful background. Ugh, I really got it bad.

And then, news travel! Jason Mraz is coming to UC Davis!

Freaking Jason Mraz is coming to MY campus!

OMG OMG OMG!!!

I was SOO excited! But due to my stupidity, I came to buy the tickets a few days ago (for his concert which would be in November) an hour late. Yes, Fakhirah was an idiot. Who would go to buy tickets to a Jason Mraz concert an hour after the ticket booths were open??

You guessed it: Tickets were SOLD OUT.

=.=

I was sad. Really. Almost broken.

I'm still pinning for him. There would be more tickets sold when Fall Quarter starts, so hopefully I would still be able to make it to the concert. Hohoho~

Becoming... A Girl.

2008-08-08T02:10:00.000-07:00

Mood: Not sleepy, and desperately wants to blog.
Listening to: "Mirror Mirror" by M2M. (It's a random song in my iPod)

Heya~

Fakhirah here again. Before I proceed, Farah is right. Although I know (and secretly in denial) that only the two of us would be reading this blog, I write as if millions of strangers would understand the weird lives that two-very-far-apart-best-friends have.

Okay, back to the topic for today, which I am sure Farah is dying to read about (hehe). Over the past few weeks, months and maybe a year maybe, I have grown up. For the better, or for the worse, I'm not exactly sure; but here is what very, very apparent about my change:

I have *gulps* become more of a girl.

Yes, I know. I am exaggerating: I am a girl, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally (especially emotionally). But I used to be the kind of person who tries her best to avoid being the typical girls: giggly, oh-so-romantic, crushing on boys all the time, checking every new fashion every other day...etc. You understand the drill. I'm not so sure if Farah agrees that I wasn't really the typical girl.. I just wish that I had played my part as being-in-denial-that-I-am-one very well.

Anyways, here are some of the noticeable changes:

1. I like chocolate.

Yes, I used to not like too much chocolate. If given a box of chocolates, it usually would take me a month to finish it, or I'll share with friends who do like chocolate, so that it gets out of my way quickly. Asked me if I prefer flowers or chocolate from a guy, the answer would obviously be flowers. *Winks*

It's not like I have a fetish for chocolate. It's just that I recently found myself picking a piece of chocolate every now and then almost everyday. I am still sore by its sickly sweetness, it's just sometimes it can also bring comfort. :P

2. I can... giggle.

Yes, I can. Lol, I'm pretty sure I did it sometime in the past, but I can promise that it is not as frequent as now. Maybe it's something about living with my very-lady-like senior as my only roommate that changed me. Maybe it's the fact that I am the only girl in my batch, and they expect me to act as a typical girl, that somehow transform me into an-easily-giggly-girl.

Ughh, I hated admitting that. I hope that I still have some sense in myself that doesn't make me go all clingy and hopelessly-dramatic. *Crossing fingers*

3. I am in love with Nicholas Sparks.

In case you don't know, Farah, he is a world renowned writer on romance. Yes, romance. Remember our promise to our Form 1 English teacher a looong time ago? I know I've broken it a couple of years ago. But now, I am addicted to the grasping drama of two lovers, or the exciting moments of their first acknowledgment of one another.

By the way, Nicholas Sparks doesn't write the overrated, passionate desire of one another. His writing is very real, and one could relate to it very well. In other words, his books are great! You should try at least one~
.................................................................................................

Ahh, I'm gonna give only 3 "Becoming a girl" changes for now. There are others that are more apparent, such as my wardrobe. I actually have found an interest in purchasing good clothes (in not so discreet words: shopping), and a slight touch of pink has filled my closet. And a couple of dresses. And a few purses... handbags... *cheeks grows very, very pink*

I'd rather not dwell on that. I cannot imagine being back in Malaysia, wearing these 'girly' clothes that I had sworn to myself I would never wear (unless I'm forced to). There is a huge ego trying to protect the "I'm tough"-facade that I used to put on, but maybe the mask has worn off.

Anyways, this has got to be the most revealing blog I have ever posted. It is quite embarrassing, but hey, the world's going to know sometime. Lol~

p/s I know this post hasn't anything that really relates to the both of us, but I thought I share quite a huge change to myself to someone who knows me pretty well. *winks*

They Come n Go~~

2008-08-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

I think my dearest friend here had been complaining about the lack of posts here, which was odd because we are the only ones that WOULD read EVERYTHING that was written.

Every word, every sentence, every useless jokes (haha, like right now) and admiring every bit of detail each picture had (I'm not sure if I'm gonna put one here) - no matter how stupid it was.

Okay, better not let this swayed into the 'Sappy-ness alert' section. I think I had enough of that. (yes my fren, I'm back to my senseless self -TQ)

So... moving along...
Being 'stranded' (I'll rephrase that later) in Indonesia is not exactly pleasant if you are a person that coincidentally met a best friend that somehow-admired-English-and-now-had-turn-you-into-one-too when you were young. Sometimes it is just frustrating to become me - you won't always get what you want.

Seriously, I mean it.

I wanna go and study in UK (or anywhere that has a winter season), and look where I ended up - my neighbouring country (Tropical season.. haha *add sarcasm there*)

But hey, not everyone gets everything they wanted - it's what 'they' called life.. (who's 'they' anyway?)

Back to the main topic I was about to write, I'm now having my almost 2 weeks holiday and there are... *looks at calendar* 3 more days of happiness and relaxation left - before I was sent back to hell. It was fun for the past one week... been playing with the cats, finally get enough sleep, got to meet SUJU (heheheh...), and of course the food. Oh, and I've been updating my fanfics too... lol~

BUT IT'S GOING TO END.... TT.TT

I want my precious holidays again~~

Ah, lost my creative juices. Guess I'm going to stop for a while.

The Cycle of Being Left Behind.

2008-07-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Mood: Contented.
Listening to: "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

Hey,

Fakhirah here again. I know I haven't contribute to this blog for quite some time, but it's only because of the the frequent feeling of being left behind.

So, it's summer right now. Hot, dry and very, very sunny. TV shows portray summer as a time to hang out and kick back with your buddies. But instead, for me, it has become a time to say goodbye to the few things I find so important. Friends, especially.

When summer first came, I had to move out from the residential dorms that I had grown so fond off and very accustomed to. It means a lot: not having to clean the bathrooms, always knowing there is enough toilet paper, having chefs in the cafeteria to make really good omelettes, and of course, being near with all my friends.

I guess the 'friends being near' part is the most important factor to me, because when I had to move out and live with my Malaysian seniors, I missed my freshmen friends terribly. Not that my seniors weren't friendly, but the environment is different.

And when I got used to not having my freshmen friends around, one by one, my seniors started to fly back to Malaysia. From 5 people in the house, now there are only 2 of us, and it has been very lonely. To make matters worse, the boys in my batch live far away, and it is quite a hassle to get there.

Thus, I have been feeling slightly down lately. Just last week, I think I have been to the airport 3 times, to send friends off. It was quite... a sad task to do.

Which reminded me of the first time Farah and I were apart: when she flew off to MRSM Beseri, and I was left in the high school we both were in. Although it was sad at first, it became quite funny as my mum and sister were so anxious about my well-being.

"Ira tu, makan ke tak?"

"Jangan ganggu Ira tu. Die sedih Farah dah takde"

Geez, it wasn't like I was in a bad mood or anything. I think my family totally exaggerated the whatever I was feeling. Sure, she wasn't there, but Farah did call, and we'll giggle about funny times and silly stuffs. In fact, she called me more than she called her own mum, which left me quite blank when her mum asked me about it.

Soon after that, I got into boarding school as well. I had to leave my other best friend, Timmy back in my hometown. But she soon moved on too.

I guess that's the cycle we leave in. You make friends, you leave, or they leave, but whatever happens, you just move on and explore new dimensions. The more you're attached, the harder it is, but it'll work out if you just plunge in and give 'doing new things' a try.

And sometimes, when you keep in touch, know that the bond is still there, you might just end up being best friends for life. Like Farah and me. Honestly, we haven't really been together for 4 years out of our 9 year friendship, but she'll always be my best friend.

Time has passed, and though the heartache is still there, I managed to find happiness in occupying myself in other things.

When everything is put to a test~

2008-07-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

I'm having OSCE this week (OSCE is like our practical exam - involving all those physical examinations that doctors should know how to do), and currently the state of everyone in my house/dorm/wateva-you-wanna-call-it is in a very severe point according to my standards. I'm not sure, but I think I just got hit by a slice of anger just now~ (pls don't mind the usage of metaphors here)

And now I realize how thin the string of friendship can be - or maybe I was just too sensitive?

Sometimes it just suddenly came to my mind on how much other people enjoys my company. I'm sarcastic (aha), blunt, rude (don't need to prove that), sometimes don't use the gift of my cerebral in saying things and obviously can be very very annoying.

So, what do they really think about me?

Now, hypocrisy dominates all. Even right in front of my eyes, I'm seeing someone practicing the 'art of hypocrisy'. How can you be so nice in front of a person and act all I'm-your-friend but then talk badly about that person behind his/her back? Where is the value of friendship in that?

I thought friends are supposed to support you when the whole world is against you
I thought friends are supposed to accept you no matter how you are
I thought friends are supposed to always care for you

I thought friends are everything.

Like I said before, I'm starting to see how narrow the bridge we are crossing now. I recalled that my best friend here told me that I had once became moody and she and my other friend were so worried till the point that they wonder if our friendship has any worth of all.

I really didn't remember what had happen between us, but I should say that I'm terribly sorry about that. I wish I could turn back the time and actually knew what was going on.

So now it just a matter of how much do you value your friends. Right at this moment, I am feeling betrayed and I too felt like I had betray someone. I would say that serves me right.

But do you ever wonder, how did we ever survived living with these fake honesty?

I think that would be forgiveness

No matter what you did, a true friend will always put everything behind and grant you their forgiveness. And I think I'll do that.

Because I would really to like to be a true friend.

I don't care if they can't stand me
I don't care if they hate me
I don't care if it was all a pretend

I'll spare this forgiveness for them just for a couple more of happy moments.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Down The Memory Lane

2008-07-12T01:15:00.000-07:00

Judging from the 2 posts before this, both of us had reminisce(sp?) some of our old memories that I just had to make a certain section for our memories. So, this post contains all the links of the posts that involved us speaking on behalf of both us and our dear sweet memories~

Frustration [Kai]
Frustrated too... [Nixcoo]

For now, it's not in any order, after more posts, maybe I'll arrange it to certain categories or timeline~ (^,^)

Frustrated Too...

2008-07-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

Ah, frustration. We all hate it, but there is no life if there is no frustration. Don’t you all agree?

Here’s Fakhirah again, with a ‘reply’ post to the previous entry by my dear best friend. Even though we are continents apart, apparently we are facing the same mood: frustrated.

Hurm… in truth, I am not actually frustrated. I am feeling…

1. A prolonged sadness, because the things that used to brighten up my life are non-existent or modified itself completely.

2. Thoroughly annoyed, and almost out of mind, due to the incessant teasings by the boys in my batch. (There are no girls in my batch, in case you don’t remember, my dear).

3. Discouraged, because the interest in science or studying and everything about them have left me completely.

4. Angry, because of the extreme fluctuations of my mood due to the hormonal cycle. One time, I shall be hysterically happy, and the next I could be so pissed off, you don’t want to even try.

And because of all these mixture of overwhelming emotions, I am frustrated. At the moment, there is no drive in my life, no motivation, no goals. Thank goodness for priorities, for that is what is guiding me right now.

You know, I used to feel as helpless like these back when I was a teen, and there were drama in my household. I know that I never really talk about those kinds of problems with Farah (even though I knew she would understand, since we live under similar circumstances), but I had school as my sanctuary. I had my best friend(s) to relief the pain, without talking about it.

In the year we had that dreaded Maths teacher, Farah and I would make paper airplanes and write our random conversations about things we only imagined. We had a very basic numbering code to write our dialogs (Remember that one? Lol~), which only we knew and understood. Once, our teacher caught us passing notes to one another, and when she looked at it, it was just a bunch of numbers! Poor her!

We were the closest friends at that time. Teachers never see one of us without the other, and would question if I was on a solo walk through the hallways. We used to teach each other a lot of things too. According to Farah, I taught her to make reading a hobby (Though she has been reading the comic books for years). I know she was the one who introduced me to Sherlock Holmes, and the many other fictional worlds that only we built and live in.

We were Sherlock Holmes and Dr James H. Watson, the Ant and the Grasshopper, Agent 001 and Agent 002. Farah would rave on Shane from Westlife, and I would melt about Nicky. One year, she actually made a fictional comic book, and generously let me be a part of it, though all I can do was give out ideas (which she normally rejects –haha- ) and corrects grammar (which she’s pretty good at, herself). And then, we had Ryan and Nicky to rave on.

Ahh, what funny memories we had. That was a nice walk down memory lane. And yes, I thoroughly longed and wished that I could live in that world right now. You know, if there was one thing that astounded me about our friendship, is that we almost never fought. I guess I know why now. Because we spend our time escaping to a world we live in idle about, to forget the real world.

Ah, if only life were as easy as it was back then.

Or if only life allows my best friends to be here right now.

Frustration

2008-07-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I feel so helpless. The first would be when both me and my friend here were in form one or form two if I'm not mistaken, when we experience a whole new experience in studying Maths. I was as useless as I can be during that time, and that year too, was the first time I've ever failed in a subject. Thinking of it now, I wonder what we (me specially) were thinking at that time?

I can't remember why we didn't quite fond of that teacher. From the bits of memory I could gather, he was dark (Indian Muslim) and I think he had this scary moustache across his face. He was not that tall to begin with, and he carried himself in a manner where the students would assume he was the discipline teacher.

In his class, it was a first for me, to not understand the simple concept of factorization. I think it was the opposite condition for my friend, but it was all a blur to me that I couldn't be sure.

You could say I was a bit grateful, because that year began the 'Boredom Strike' between me and my best friend (we thought the class was boring), and we overcame it with a simple note-passing technique [it sounded so cool describing it that way ain't it?]. We wrote little stuffs, stuffs that won't even matter, stuffs that might offended most people, stuffs that only we could understand.

I miss those times.

Now, thousands of miles apart, I'm feeling helpless again. I can't manage to get my priorities straight, and I'm not sure when I'll finally will. The strains of medical education didn't actually get me, but I'm feeling frustrated. I didn't feel the same determination I had when I first found out that the grade I got for Maths was coloured 'red' in my report card. I'm not even feeling sad right now. I'm just frustrated. Frustrated cause I had lost the desire to compete.

Or maybe the money-shortage problem has something to do with it too.

Obsessed~

2008-07-09T04:13:00.000-07:00

Yo~
It's Kai/Farah or whatever you wanna call this time.

You see, let's look at a bit of the last post that my best friend here posted...

"But, as my loyal best friend, she'd go "U-huh, that's interesting" and totally change the subject to Fukuyama-whatever~ Hehehe. JK."

Hahahahaha, (don't worry, I know you were just joking, mah fren.) Anyway, I'm just gonna say... *a bit whispering* maybe she was right.

Yes, I am the type of person that can get fully absorbed into something/someone that I find suits my liking. It's just a natural thing that has become a part of me. And don't get me wrong, I'm not a stalker or anything~ lol.

And now, let me introduce you to my latest obsession~ (apart from Fukuyama Masaharu)

It's... Han Geng!! Or his Korean name; Han Kyung!!! Kya!!!! *fangirl scream*

And all of these thanks to AIN!!!! She's the cause of all of these! SHE'S THE ONE TO BE BLAME!!!!! *trying to put the blame to someone else* Blame her!! BLAME HERR!!!! *not giving up*

Han Kyung in Super Junior M music video *love*

Btw *regained composure*, Han Kyung here belongs to the Korean boy band, Super Junior. There's 13 members in there (O.O) and I couldn't believe that I remembered each and every one of them now! Just days ago, they all looked the same to me? :3

Han Kyung in my opinion is just soooooo kawaii!!! Being the one and only Chinese in the group, he was frequently teased at (in a good way I mean). And he's incredibly soft spoken too! *,* (To think that he looked all macho-ish in the video clips!!)

I know I should blabber about this at my other site, but I just couldn't help it. I need to share this with my best friend! (who I am A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.L.Y sure doesn't care at all~ lol)

Need to finish more reports now~ Ja ne.

Super Junior M - 'U' MV>> click here
Super Junior - 'U' MV>> click here
Super Junior - 'Don't Don' MV>> click here

Fireworks~

2008-07-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Soo... this is... nixcoo... greg (house?)... Fakhirah... the other girl who's picture is all over this blog. Lol~

I guess because this blog is about the two of us, I should be participating in blogging as well, and not let only 'Kai Isolated' fill up OUR blog. Hehehe~ To tell you the truth, I am working on a blog post about the two of us: I am soo meticulous at making sure it will be perfect! Hopefully, it'll turn out as quirky and witty as I want it to be.

Anyways, I wanted to share something I did over the weekend... It would be something I would totally be into telling Farah about. But, as my loyal best friend, she'd go "U-huh, that's interesting" and totally change the subject to Fukuyama-whatever~ Hehehe. JK.

My weekend was interesting though. It's summertime now here, and although it is such a popular perception that teenagers would be going out, having fun in the sun, hanging out and shopping, I am propped in my house, under the cool A/C and studying for summer classes. What a nerd~

However, last week was July 4th, which is the U.S.'s Independence Day. As any other 'jakun' and excited Malaysian would be, I went to see what it was all about with some other Malaysian friends of mine. In the day, certain places in my town held a small gathering to celebrate it, serving traditional American dishes, maybe something like pie and cookies. But, it's the night that everyone's soo excited about! After a speech by the Mayor, and singing the National Anthem, there would be Fireworks!

I watched these wonderful burst of colors clashing in the sky with my friends as we lay on a blanket, on a patch of green grass by the road. We watched in silent awe as each firework was fired up, climbed into the sky and surprise us with its bangs, but entertained us with its' various sizes and shapes: some came out with 3 or more colors, others fell from the sky like wiggling snakes, and there was a few that came out like a heart-shape in a circle!

What made the event more hilarious was when a few really, really loud bangs set off car alarms! And as we know, car alarms are always these annoying siren-like noises, but I just cracked up with my friends. I felt kinda bad for the owner though, because the loud fireworks do keep on setting the alarms off. lol~

For me, it was a very exciting event, especially because the fireworks lasted more than 20 minutes! There were must have been A LOT of them! It was almost like in the movies too, especially since one of my friends actually baked really tantalizing (Halal) Chicken Pot Pie! My senior is a very good cook~ Hohoho~

Of course, Malaysia itself has its share of events with fireworks, but I guess I was very surprised to see that even a small town like Davis (which is almost non-existent on the California map) would use up a huge budget on fireworks. It was certainly, a lot of fun.

Anyways, I'm taking this chance to wish my friend Good Luck for her exams! I'm going to have an exam in Org. Chem this week as well, so I guess I should get back to studying and being responsible. Tata for now~

Blog Construction~

2008-07-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hah, me again. As you can see my dear friend (yes, I'm refering this to you), I'm re-constructing the blog - again. Making a new header - again. Pretty much start from scratch - AGAIN. So anyway, I'm in a need of inspirations and just need to clear my mind a bit - thus resulting with me writing here.

Hmm.... wonder what to do next.

Hheeheh, I'm spamming again!!!

~When Logic Meets Art~
- Kai Isolated -

Seeking Refuge~

2008-07-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

During the time of me promoting my blog to everyone I know - I was so excited of getting back into blogging (and wanting other people to know about it as well), I didn't expect any of them would be my mom. Or my aunt.

Ahahaha... just wonderful.

Now the secret is out and they will know the dark, troubled side I've been hiding all this long.;p *evil chuckle*

Not that I am bothered much by it, but now every content in that blog have to be properly scan or I'm doomed to eternal hell. Or the very least is being laughed and mocked at for about more than a month [pardon any grammar mistakes, it's the middle of the night - Yes, I do mean this to you awak]. In a way, it's kinda embarrassing to let your mom know that you're such a fan girl and immature and stuff *despair mode~*

Anyway, I'm seeking sanctuary here, while hoping my mum (or my aunt - they're the dynamic duo) didn't click the link that would lead them STRAIGHT here since I was so lazy to remove that link. *nervous laugh*

Problems involving the exams and the curriculum here are just so devastating. In one corner, I am frustrated of being the lab rat though I know at the end this system does has its benefit - though I won't realize it until it is already really really too late

*singing*

Ow... I better start with all those piling report papers that I should pass up next week, or I'll be in another kind of hell all together. Ja ne!

Yo~~~~

2008-06-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

Hehehehe... as it is in my nature to spam my first post~~
Halo my friend!!! It's finally up! Sooooo sorry for the lack of design!!! I'll promise to improve it - with the help of you of course!!!

^o^

P/s - SPAIN WON!!!!!!!!! Iker Casillas is the best keeper ever!!!!